im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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