i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So many bounce houses so little time
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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