i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
