i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize