Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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