VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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