Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
