god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
