I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
