to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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