oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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