I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
