the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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