Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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