From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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