We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
