I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
