i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
