either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
