hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
