Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I did not marry a roomba.
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