if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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