im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
operation have a gay friend backfired
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Vodka?
Forever.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
