i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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