Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
