The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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