I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
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She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
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Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now