i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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