woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
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Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
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Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow