Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped