in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
