Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
