Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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