i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i out mim tonsoeep
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
