he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
