I wish I could punch you in the face.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
