I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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