Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
