Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
