i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
