I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
