she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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