i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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