I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
