Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
