Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Boobs are out for the taking
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
