no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
