i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
