We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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