plz talk dirty to me
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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