I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
