I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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