I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
A+ Viking dick
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize