Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
