Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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