New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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