Dual....:-)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
