oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
