my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
