i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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