Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
