I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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