I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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