Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
