I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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