I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
