so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
