dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
