just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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