u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
