no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
