you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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