I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
