i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
