Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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