seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
