her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
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When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
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She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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