he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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