She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize