maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
